it's just me. . .

missing mom

totally missing my mom today. being totally transparent here, there was a time when I almost cut my mom out of my life. thank God I didn't. and really, it was only due to her stubbornness that I couldn't. she just would *not* go away.  God made us perfect for each other. He gave her the gift of acting like nothing bad or crazy ever happened between us. He gave me the gift of taking a deep breath and moving forward when mom went into pretending mode. it might sound bad. it might not sound healthy. it did, however, get us through years we probably couldn't have gotten through. and when the timing was right, God's timing only, it took one blessed conversation,  2 years before she passed, of me forgiving her for one perceived wrong from my childhood. the thing is, I realized after her death, almost immediately as she drew her last breath in my arms, how gracious she had been in allowing me that, because really, who was I to forgive her, when she had her own path to walk?  when babies are born, we say they don't come with an instruction manual. guess what? neither do adult children and our parents are still parenting us as best they know how, deciding when to offer advice, when to offer love, and when to shut up.  and yes, even when to step out of our lives and let us walk our own, sometimes rocky, path. thank God she annoyed me for years, drove me crazy, loved me the way only a mother can love a stubborn daughter who thinks she can do things better and make less mistakes, and mama worked  her way back into the deepest, deepest core of my heart, where every mother deserves to live in the heart of their child. she showed me what a strong woman was, not just a strong personality. when my mama drew her last breath, I realized too late she was the one on earth who loved me best, without hesitation, reservation, judgement or guilt. I'll never have another in my life like her. I am who I am because of her.  and today I miss her. 

a little cleaning up

do you ever have so much going on that you never seem to get to fine-tune the things you want to? to complete the tasks you’ve set before yourself? or to even begin down the pathway you’ve dreamed about because there are so many other, many more important things that must take precedence over anything else you want to do? that’s been my life for the last 2 years.

well, numero uno on my list to do is clean up my blog. it’s not the most important thing, but something that’s certainly bugging me! i worked so hard to get my blog header the way i wanted it that i didn’t realize it was too big until it was too late. by that time i had no more time to devote to it and just had to move forward. then other things came up, etc.

so, i’m going to dust off, clean up, and rearrange things here over the next few weeks. i’m not promising anything major. just things to make me happy, and hopefully, make things better.

don’t let the dust cloud keep you away :)

topsy-turvy

so, do you ever wonder how many times your life can get turned upside down? i do, just fleetingly, long enough to remember that i have more blessings than trials, that God loves me and is my Hope in all things.

my last post on monday, 07/21 was at the beginning of the "dare to get dirty" challenge over at splitcoaststampers. that was a lot of fun and i should have a few things to post for that.

the next week, i started the next digiscrapping class plus my wonderful great-niece reeree got to visit with me! that's right, rob's daughter! oh, you just cannot imagine the joy of having her with us for a week. :) well, maybe you can, because of course, you're pretty special yourself.

the week after that i was plagued with migraines. horrible horrible ones. down in the bed or on the couch migraines.

 

Mom, early July

that friday afternoon i got a call from mom that she'd gone into the hospital for some tests.

Mom & me, Aug 9 ~ she's just a bit jaundiced :) and we were a little silly.

saturday morning i got the call that it's pancreatic cancer.

i immediately threw clothes in a suitcase and drove home to stay with mom in the hospital. three weeks later we still had an unconfirmed diagnosis, meaning that they couldn't get an actual biopsy of the mass. ~ i tell momma the mass on her pancreas is as stubborn as she is. anyway, we're at Mayo now, and i think the biopsy this a.m. was successful because she's been in recovery several hours and i've not been told that it was unsuccessful. :)

it was the FOURTH attempt to get tissue for a final diagnosis. now that's stubborn :) 

Dare to Get Dirty, '08

Good Morning!

 

Today is the second day in Dare to Get Dirty 08 at Splitcoaststampers. Each day will feature 2 different challenges by a member or alumni of the Dirty Dozen, the design team. As members of the Fan Club, you get to participate in the challenges and upload your take on them to a special gallery. If your not a member of the Fan Club, check it out. It gives you access to special forums and galleries that the DT girls rock every month. I can speak from my experience on the team, that a whole lotta heart and a whole lotta soul goes into every creation they make. Also, for Dare to Get Dirty '08, if you're not a Fan Club member, you may still view and comment on the uploads in the gallery. Normally you wouldn't be able to view these beauties!

So, here is my take on Miss JulieHRR's challenge:

 

 

• paper: {suthnheart} white
• elements: vintage postcard: katie pertiet @ designer digitals, scroll border: jjohnson Call to Act, tab: kgiarusso Call to Act
• brushes: spots dots brushes n stamps: katie pertiet @ designer digitals
• font: dymofontinverse, feena casual

Now go play! and make it a Lovely Day1